Liberation from Shadows

Eric Marquette

Welcome back to The House of Ravenbrook. I’m Eric Marquette, and as always, I’m joined by the ever-spirited Ruby Sturt. Today, we’re diving into a topic that’s, well, a bit heavier than our usual fare—religious manipulation and the shadows it can cast on our spiritual journeys.

Ruby Sturt

Yeah, and honestly, it’s one of those things that’s so common, but we don’t always have the language for it. Like, you know something’s off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. I remember at uni, sitting in a tutorial, and someone just casually said, “Oh, I don’t believe in hell.” And I was like, wait, you can say that out loud? I’d grown up thinking even questioning that stuff was basically inviting a lightning bolt.

Eric Marquette

That’s such a relatable moment. I think a lot of us have been there—raised in environments where fear, guilt, and shame are used, sometimes subtly, sometimes not, to keep us in line. Richard Ravenbrook talks about this in his memoir, how the pressure to conform can be so intense that it actually silences your own intuition. You end up doubting yourself, not just your beliefs.

Ruby Sturt

Totally. And it’s not always some big, dramatic thing. Sometimes it’s just the little comments—like, “If you really loved God, you’d do this,” or, “You’re bringing shame on the family.” It’s sneaky. I remember feeling this weird guilt for even wanting to skip church to study for exams. Like, the idea that you’re never quite good enough, or you’re always one step away from being judged.

Eric Marquette

And that’s the thing—these tactics, whether it’s fear of divine punishment or the threat of being ostracized, they’re incredibly effective at keeping people in line. But the cost is huge. You end up with people who are anxious, disconnected from themselves, and sometimes even from the divine, whatever that means for them. Ravenbrook describes it as a kind of spiritual bondage, where you’re trapped by beliefs that don’t actually resonate with your inner truth.

Ruby Sturt

Yeah, and it’s not just about religion, right? It’s about any system that uses fear and shame to control. But with religion, it’s so personal. It gets right into your sense of self-worth. I mean, I had this moment in my second year where I just sat there and thought, “Do I actually believe any of this, or am I just terrified of what happens if I don’t?” That was a real turning point for me.

Eric Marquette

That’s powerful. And I think it’s important to say—questioning isn’t a sign of weak faith. If anything, it’s a sign of growth. As Ravenbrook puts it, the journey to spiritual freedom often starts with a whisper of doubt. It’s not about rejecting everything, but about finding what’s actually true for you, not just what you’ve been told to believe.

Ruby Sturt

Exactly. And for anyone listening who’s felt that pressure, or who’s been made to feel guilty for asking questions—you’re not alone. It’s actually really brave to start unpicking those inherited beliefs. And, honestly, it’s the first step toward something way more authentic.

Eric Marquette

So, let’s talk about the texts themselves. Because, let’s be honest, the Bible is… complicated. I mean, you open Genesis and you’ve got two different creation stories, back to back. One’s all about God creating everything in six days, and then the next chapter, suddenly it’s a different order, a different style. It’s like, did the editors just not notice?

Ruby Sturt

Or maybe they just thought, “Eh, let’s throw them both in, see what sticks.” But seriously, it’s wild how we’re taught to read these stories as if they’re all one seamless narrative, when actually, they’re full of contradictions. Like, Cain and Abel—God’s response to Cain is so ambiguous. Is it justice? Is it mercy? Is it just… weird?

Eric Marquette

Right, and it’s not just Genesis. The whole Bible is a patchwork of different voices, different agendas, different historical moments. I had this conversation once with a biblical scholar—she said reading scripture critically is a bit like trying to make sense of your family’s stories at Christmas. Everyone remembers things differently, and sometimes the stories just don’t add up. But that doesn’t mean there’s no wisdom there. It just means you have to dig a bit deeper, ask better questions.

Ruby Sturt

Yeah, and I think that’s where a lot of people get tripped up. We’re told, “Don’t question, just believe.” But when you actually look at the text, it’s almost inviting you to wrestle with it. Like, why are there two creation accounts? Why does God seem loving in one story and vengeful in another? It’s messy, but it’s also kind of freeing. You realize, oh, this is a human document. It’s not supposed to be perfect.

Eric Marquette

Exactly. And, as we’ve talked about in previous episodes, especially when we looked at the roots of the Ravenbrook Tradition, there’s a real value in embracing that complexity. It’s not about throwing out the whole thing, but about engaging with it honestly. The contradictions aren’t a problem to be solved—they’re an invitation to go deeper, to find your own meaning.

Ruby Sturt

And honestly, it’s a relief. Like, you don’t have to twist yourself into knots trying to make everything fit. You can say, “Yeah, this part doesn’t make sense to me,” or, “I don’t agree with this bit,” and that’s okay. It’s actually a sign of respect for the text, I reckon, to take it seriously enough to question it.

Eric Marquette

And it opens up space for nuance. For example, the story of Cain and Abel—some people see it as a story about jealousy, others about divine justice, others about the randomness of suffering. There’s no one right answer. And that’s kind of the point. The text is a starting point, not the final word.

Ruby Sturt

Yeah, and if you’re listening and you’ve ever felt like you’re “doing it wrong” because you see the contradictions—trust me, you’re not. You’re actually engaging with the tradition in a way that’s way more honest and, dare I say, spiritual than just memorizing the “right” answers.

Eric Marquette

So, where does that leave us? If we’re not just following the rules, and we’re not pretending the contradictions don’t exist, what does a healthy spiritual path look like? Ravenbrook talks about it as a spiral, not a straight line. You circle back, you revisit old questions, you grow, you stumble, you heal. It’s not about arriving at some final destination.

Ruby Sturt

Yeah, and I love that image. Because, honestly, healing from religious trauma—or just from the pressure to conform—isn’t a one-and-done thing. It’s ongoing. For me, after I left my old church, I found so much comfort just walking in nature. Like, literally just wandering around the park, listening to the birds, letting myself feel whatever I was feeling. Sometimes I’d journal, sometimes I’d just sit and breathe. It sounds simple, but it was huge for me.

Eric Marquette

That’s beautiful. And it lines up with what Ravenbrook and others say about practical tools—meditation, journaling, active listening, finding community. It’s about building self-compassion, letting yourself be imperfect, and not needing to have all the answers. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to, or a group where you can be honest about your doubts, makes all the difference.

Ruby Sturt

Yeah, and I think it’s important to say—there’s no “right” way to do this. Some people find solace in rituals, some in creativity, some in just being quiet. The point is, you get to choose. You get to reclaim your own voice. And if you stumble, or if you find yourself doubting again, that’s not failure. That’s just part of the spiral. You’re still moving forward, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Eric Marquette

Absolutely. And, as we’ve touched on in earlier episodes, especially when we talked about the Ravenbrook Tradition’s emphasis on personal empowerment, the journey is about finding what resonates with your deepest self. It’s about community, yes, but also about trusting your own inner compass. And that takes time, and patience, and a lot of self-kindness.

Ruby Sturt

So, if you’re listening and you’re somewhere on that spiral—maybe you’re just starting to question, or maybe you’re deep in the process of rebuilding—just know, you’re not alone. There’s no rush, and there’s no finish line. It’s okay to take your time, to try new things, to let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore.

Eric Marquette

And that’s probably a good place to wrap for today. We’ll keep exploring these themes in future episodes—how to build supportive communities, how to create your own rituals, and how to keep growing, even when the path gets messy. Ruby, as always, it’s been a pleasure.

Ruby Sturt

Right back at you, Eric. And to everyone listening—take care of yourselves, be gentle, and remember, the journey is yours. We’ll see you next time in The House of Ravenbrook.